Although we’re utterly evil and enjoy nothing more than spoiling your day, we can’t handle people moaning about it. So be aware that this recap of the Doctor Who Christmas episode “The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe” contains SPOILERS. And common sense.
The following heartwarming Sithmas Carol was written especially for you by @GeneralVeers. Following him on Twitter will increase your daily humour quotient, your love of crushing Rebel scum and your sexual prowess. No promises on that last one.
Click ‘Play’ for the tune:
Bomb sirens ring, are you listening,
Dishing pain, helmet glistening
A beautiful sight,
We’re invading tonight,
Walkers in a winter warzoneland.
Gone away is the Falcon,
Here to stay, utter destruction
The shield is in range,
An Ion exchange,
Walkers in a winter warzoneland.
In the meadow we can hear a deadman,
It’s that creepy geezer Obi-Wan
He’ll say: Dagobah?
We’ll say: No man,
I’d rather freeze my ass off in a Tauntaun.
Later on, we’ll conspire,
As Echo Base is on fire
The Wampa’s alarmed,
Why does he only have one arm?
Walkers in a winter warzoneland.
In the meadow we can stomp on Rebels,
All snow-speeders getting tossed around
We’ll have lots of fun killing Rebels,
Until the tow cables knock us down.
Enemy one, Skywalker,
Did you hear, he kissed his sister?
No freaking way, I thought he was gay,
Walkers in a winter warzoneland.
Walkers in a winter warzoneland!
Apparently in between ridding the galaxy of the Jedi menace, almost singlehandedly (well, nohandedly, if you really think about it) winning the war on terror and being the Galactic Record Holder for Extreme Planking (in lava), Darth Vader’s somehow found the time to spread a little Sithmas fear– errr… cheer this festive season. No, not by Force choking Ewoks to death en masse – that was last year! By leading a Christmas choir Flash Mob, of course.
Thanks to Jeremy Atherton for the tip via email.