You Earthlings have made some pretty questionable decisions in your time (e.g. not executing Nickelback for crimes against humanity), but this one may take the proverbial cake. A man in Walsall, England, faced court this week for punching Darth Vader’s wife. In the face. In terms of colossally terrible life choices, you have to admit that punching the beloved wife of a very angry magical cyborg armed with a lightsaber is right up there.
Ikbal Hare found himself on the dark side of the Police Force after he threw a punch at his neighbour, Darth Vader (previously Mark Nokes, who had changed his name via deed poll for charity) because he suspected the Dark Lord of the Sith had been having a relationship with his girlfriend. However the Force was not strong with Ikbal, who instead accidentally struck Lady Vader in the face when she tried to separate the pair.
Mr. Vader found Ikbal’s lack of accuracy… disturbing, but before he could apply a Force choke to… errr… “calm” the situation (to death), Ikbal picked up a brick, threw sand into Darth Vader’s face and then went to find a knife. Because these are GOOD things to do when you’re fighting an enraged Sith Lord.
At this point, rather than engage in a lightsaber battle to the death, Darth Vader bravely allowed himself to be locked into his house by Mrs. Vader, and then even MORE bravely climbed out of a window and ran away when he heard that Ikbal had a knife.
Vader was heard yelling, “Impressive. Most impressive. Obi-Wan has taught you well. You have controlled your fear. Now, release your anger. Only your hatred can destroy me,” at his assailant as he incredibly courageously ran away… probably to fight an even BIGGER lightsaber battle somewhere else.
Ikbal Hare eventually ran off, chased by several concerned Sithizens, but was arrested two days later. He pleaded guilty in Wolverhampton Crown Court and was given an 18-month community order, 18 months’ supervision, and was ordered to carry out 200 hours of unpaid community service.
We can’t help but feel that Ikbal got off fairly lightly here, given Darth Vader is usually quite happy to Force choke somebody to death just for bringing him the wrong donut in the morning.
Source: The Birmingham Mail.