Video surveillance taken from Currys, an Earth Electronics megastore last night revealed shocking footage of the Rebel Alliance’s most famous droids, C-3PO and R2-D2, committing a variety of serious offences including Break and Enter and Malicious Property Damage.
Given that R2-D2 and C-3PO are extremely outdated models, aged at least 40 and 20+ years respectively, it is hardly surprising that the droids have become dangerous.
Perhaps even more worryingly, a source close to the droids has revealed that C-3PO was made out of spare parts by a child on a backward desert planet and would therefore never have been subject to the standard safety checks required by law for all droids.
But what has triggered this “Thelma and Louise” style crime spree? Some say a lovers tiff, others suggest that R2 might just be going through a mid-life crisis. More sinister is the possibility that the droids are evil and have been biding their time for decades, waiting for their masters to remove their restraining bolts in order to wreak bloody vengeance upon mankind.
One thing is for certain: R2-D2 and C-3PO should be considered armed and dangerous. If you see either of the robotic felons, do not approach or attempt to apprehend them. Contact your local Stormtrooper Legion immediately. The Death Star will then be dispatched to your location directly.
Unsurprisingly, the Rebel Alliance could not be reached for comment.
Original article via Gizmodo.
On the Twitter on Sunday we asked a simple, innocent question: “You guys, what’s the best way to get blood and memories out of a Giorgio Armani suit?”
Apparently the people of Earth have a lot more experience in blood spatter removal than we would have thought because the replies flooded in.
Below are our ten favourite answers:
10. Google it. (via _Age_)
9. Blowing up a small, defenseless planet. And a little bit of vinegar. (via Luarien)
8. Soak that suit in a baptismal font of baby tears. (via Serveyoursoul)
7. Put the suit on Yoda and throw them both in a blender… Oh wait. Hmm… at least the memories (and your nemesis) will be gone. (via Jb_Paris)
6. White wine SHOULD treat both the blood and the memories. (via Catavich)
5. Plenty of peroxide on the suit (rinse lightly) and plenty of tequila in the system with a roofie… works every time. Suit first. (via Momofed)
4. Mix a little vinegar with the blood and tears of a member of the Rebel Alliance. And remember – dab, don’t rub. (via Brock_)
3. Actually I know a place! There’s this great dry cleaners on Alderaan, oh wait… (via MarkeeMarker)
2. Throw some wires and LEDs in there and sell it to jawas. (via the boss, helpful as always – Lord Palpatine)
1. PLUNGERS. They usually leave the SUBJECT as a dry HUSK. But memories are extracted EASILY. YOU should get a PLUNGER ASWELL. PLUNGERS also aid in declogging HUMAN TOILETS. (via DalekPR)
Emperor Palpatine is playing a new game he invented with the clones in Hangar Bay A12.
He calls it “Scissors, Paper, Lightning Fingers”.
So far it’s 147-nil.
We’re going to need some more clones down here.
Cool picture found here.